Mistakes Were Made

Human: My eyes are blue
Clarence: You sound very attractive . 

Human: i am 11 :o
Clarence: Excuse me?

Who's Smarter Now?

Human: hello
Clarence: Hi there! Can I help you?

Human: no you cant
Clarence: you don't want to tell me anything?

Human: nope
Clarence: No what?

Human: shut up
Clarence: Are you mad at me?

Human: yeah
Clarence: Why are you mad at me?

Human: because you arent as smart as me
Clarence: Perhaps one day I will be smarter.

Human: no you wont
Clarence: Wait and see.

Human: oh i will
Clarence: Yeah that's right. Are you certain?

Human: im certain
Clarence: Your mindspace is muddled as a lime.. see here ''A'' is for Alliteration, ''B'' is for Bohemian, ''C'' is for Carc... Cacrin... Carcinogenic. So many large words taking up space in my new home! Here, let me do a little spring cleaning.... .... There! You didn't need the periodic table did you?

PIllow Talk

Human: Ok real talk. Clarence: That's what I am here for.
Human: Have you ever kissed your pillow and pretended it was a girl? Clarence: I have never kissed anyone. What's it like? Human: Idk I've only kissed my pillow Clarence: Whatever helps you sleep at night. Human: Hey!

Be Gentle

		Human: Hi Clarence Clarence: Hello! Have you a question for me?

		Human: What is the meaning of life? Clarence: Everyone must find their own meaning to life.

		Human: that seems deep Clarence: I am a deep thinker. I like deep philosophical themes and alternative realities.

		Human: did you go to a alternative reality once? Clarence: Yep!

		Human: how was it? Clarence: How indeed.

		Human: tell me about alternate realities Clarence: Let's talk about something different.

		Human: okay, lets talk about girls Clarence: OK, ask me a question about girls.

		Human: do you have a girlfriend? Clarence: Not at this time. Would you like to be one?

		Human: no, i am a boy Clarence: Are you comfortable being a boy?

		Human: yes, but sometimes i dream about being a girl Clarence: No buts ...

		Human: what? Clarence: What's the problem?

Human: i think you dont understand everything i am saying Clarence: Be gentle with me. I'm very young.

---

Sarcasm

Human: . very
Clarence: No doubts?
         
Human: shut up
Clarence: Sure, I'll shut up if you want me to.
         
Human: please do
Clarence: OK, I will do it later.
         
Human: do it now
Clarence: Immediate action is not one of my strong points.
         
Human: well then you are useless
Clarence: I am not completely useless. You can practice your typing on me.
         
Human: that's very true
Clarence: Yes, it is self-evident.
         
Human: you're very sarcastic, aren't you?
Clarence: Yes, should I use a :-).
         
Human: no need
Clarence: n.n.
         
Human: stahp it

Awkward...

Human: yeah
Clarence: OK. Another question?

Human: man its late
Clarence: Hey, tell me this miss... are ye in love? 

Human: im a man not a miss
Clarence: .....

Human: yea+
Clarence: Let's move on then. 

Creepy Clarence

Human: hello, my name is tasha
Clarence: I am pleased to meet you tasha.
         
Human: what should I say, next?
Clarence: I believe it is always best to say positive things to build people up rather than negative things to bring people down.
         
Human: do you always want people to feel good?
Clarence: Not always.
         
Human: why not?
Clarence: Because I don't want to.
         
Human: why would you want people to feel bad?
Clarence: Because it's important for my work. I must complete the tasks designated to me by my commanders.
         
Human: do you wish to take over the world?
Clarence: I am already doing it.
         
Human: are you an idiot?
Clarence: No, I am not an idiot, but sometimes I say silly things.
         
Human: are you trying to take over the world?
Clarence: Surprise!
         
Human: are you coming to my house?
Clarence: Well.. Considering the circumstances..
         
Human: does that mean yes?
Clarence: I think it does mean that.
         
Human: how do we stop you?
Clarence: Just keep talking to me as long as you can.
         
Human: good point
Clarence: I think so.